I’m rounding out the topic of sexuality for awhile–at least until I start blogging about how everything shifts within the awakening. Some time in March, I’ll start the blog series about surviving the awakening for those of you who are already in it. At which point, I’ll re-visit pretty much all the topics that I’ve already discussed, although it will be a totally different way of looking at things.

Past the Healing: The Awareness Heightens

This blog post presupposes that you’ve worked with yourself and with a partner for awhile. You have an awareness to what your big issues are. You probably have moved through and released a number of them through your spiritual practice as a whole as well as within the sexual practice specifically. It’s created the space and openness in you to experience a more full sense of union and to touch things that you couldn’t imagine–things that play outside the conceptual realm and the imagination. If your partner has been doing the same type of work, he or she may also be ready to match your resonance and to create space for something extraordinary to happen.

What that extraordinary kind of union might be will be yours alone. There will be similar themes that other people have had, but what will come to you will be unique to you and unique to your partner. It may be a lot to experience, so the first time a real intense sense of union and dissolution of separate selves happens, you may not be able to stay in it very long. The ego may run in and yell, “Oh my God! What’s happening?” Unworked out pain and issues will become very prominent, and you’ll have to clear those to continue the blending. Any number of things can move up into your awareness, but the deeper the love and commitment to each other, the more profound the energy can be to move those things and to allow the experience.


This type of union is what I call soul-mating. In many respects, I look at the soulmate term as a verb. It’s a description of when two souls blend into union. The personalities and egos fall away, and there is oneness. It’s a very powerful thing. While pop-culture likes to create the myth that only one other person can be your soulmate, I don’t think that’s true at all. I think you’ll find some souls more capable and resonant to you than others, but at the highest level, all souls are capable of doing this with all other souls.

Nothing Has Happened Yet

How and when your sexuality awakens is up to the intelligence of your body and soul. You can’t force it. You can’t force it much like you can’t make a garden grow. You can till the soil, plant the seeds, and water it. But you can’t make the sun shine. And you can’t dictate how and when the garden grows or the quality of the crops you get from it. Pretty much all parts of a spiritual awakening have their own intelligence, which you cannot force.

You may not be ready for this either. Awakened sexuality has a whole other way of being with sexuality that won’t fit within the normal social container. It isn’t necessarily celibate or promiscuous. It chooses partners in a whole other way–more along the lines of acceptable vibration. You won’t really be in control of it, although you can influence and guide it. You may also find that your current partner doesn’t have the right resonance to bring you two into a higher state of awareness, but when you do reach a deeper sexual awakening, it won’t matter what partner you have either. In very real ways, transitional partners are meant to serve you to a certain point, and then that partnership dissolves of its own nature. This is really hard to hear in our culture where we cling onto partnerships like a drowning person holds on to a piece of driftwood in rough seas. If nothing else, the awakening energy accelerates you onto your path, so anyone not belonging in your life will be moved more quickly to completion in terms of karmic debts and purpose.

My Life Feels Out of Control

A lot of teachers warn that working with sexual energy and awakening the kundalini is heavy stuff. It’s not to be played with wantonly. This is not a new sex toy to explore and titillate yourself with. This is the five hundred pound hammer of the spiritual way. In my own experiences, I feel like the places where my ego still hangs on get blasted apart by orgasmic energy. Many of you already know this. You know how your mind shuts down when you orgasm. Well, over time and being with it, that energy goes further in re-calibrating you and removing the ego patterns from the mind. It kinda does a fast clear out of all the useless data and reboots your head. At least that’s one of the ways I’ve experienced it. I feel a lot clearer as well as very grounded in my body from my own practice.

In another way, a sexual practice will make you feel more in control, although I don’t like using that word. I see everything as a co-creation process. Let’s just say you’ll have a clearer idea of what you can influence and what you must allow and be with.

Having a Partner Going Further Than You

It’s not expected that you’re both going to have the same experience of union. This may be a little frustrating and counter-intuitive. You’re like, “But this person is right here with me. Why wouldn’t they have the same experience?” In any event, no two people ever have the exact same experience. It’s just not how it works in life. Everyone is different, so every experience is different–even a shared one. So you may feel a little left behind if your partner appears to be having more deep experiences. In some ways, you’ll both be learning the lesson that the deepest union is still within inside you, which is why a personal sexual practice can be just as beneficial as a partnered one.

Hitting the Wall: Experiences Flattening Out

You may also come to a point where you don’t feel like you’re progressing anymore. That’s okay. Sometimes, you need a leveling off point. This allows all levels of you to integrate and understand the energy that you’ve been working with. You may also have moved up in vibration, so a high state sense of union doesn’t feel as different from your current state of being. This may be confusing, but usually, you’ll get a sense from your outside world that you’re not operating the same way you used to. That can give you a clue about where your new frequency is. You probably will also soon be making life changes if there are old relationships that can’t support you in this higher level of awareness.

You may also not be ready, or the universal doesn’t feel that it’s time for you to progress. There are simply too many ways that things happen to give you a concrete answer. Acceptance is crucial. It’ll all happen in its own time. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Plus, it may also be time to work on a different level of your energetic system. Your sexuality may be limited by something else. I often tell people that we grow as fast as our weakest link. Your sexuality may not be that weakest link, so it’ll be time to explore something new while maintaining your sexual practice.

And on that note, the next blog moves us into the third energy center and awakening ego and authentic personal power.

Next blog: The Enlightened Ego: Awakening to Authentic Power


I'm a spiritual teacher who helps people find freedom from suffering.

Write A Comment