I think the title of this blog is kind of a misnomer. You don’t really “search for” or “seek” anything after you wake up. It’s a totally different feeling. It’s like the difference between curious discovery and driven, craving and desire. A person moving from the former feeling is okay if s/he doesn’t find exactly what s/he wants. The latter is constantly devastated by being unable to fulfill those desires or the impermanence of fulfillment. This is yet another way that being awakened is a completely different space from how most people live their lives, and subsequently, you can see how it’s a completely different space to seek romantic partnership.

Love Is Everywhere and Nowhere

When you wake up, you see love in everything. That is the nature of awakening. You see the true nature of everything. You will also see how rarely most people act out of this true nature. A lot of times it’s like there’s this huge amount of light and beauty around or within someone, and there’s also this layer of black filth on top of it. If there’s too much junk in the way, it’s not particularly easy to even see the natural soul beauty that everyone has. If you’ve suddenly awakened and can see the deep beauty, you may be really confused as to why people aren’t acting from that space when they have so much of it.

You may also be confused when people rebut you or don’t like you for trying to interact with them at that deeper level of their true self. After the initial awakening, you kinda have to recalibrate your whole understanding of life, and one of those understandings is that most people aren’t ready to be met at their deepest and most true level of being. It’s the truth that that pain and unconsciousness is also their greatest teacher and will be there until they are ready to let it go. And no one–no matter how loving and sincere–can make someone let go of their pain.

Awakening Love Still Rare in Embodied Form

So, it’s equally surprising that while awakened love is who everyone is in the purest and truest sense of the moment, it’s still in many respects a rare commodity. Depending on how much of the ego self is still hanging on, you may easily lapse into a place of loneliness and isolation. The more total the spiritual awakening that you’ve had, the more unlikely this is. In all the ways that our original ego holds on, we can fall back into focusing on differences and whatnot. It’s not that awakening gets rid of all the separateness that we feel in the world. It’s that we now understand that separateness is an illusion. We re-learn to appreciate separation because it is also part of the gift of this world. Separateness gives us the opportunity to explore the world as an individual and not be a completely blended energy mass with no point of view. It’s all part of the journey, but after awakening, you’ve taken a step back down the road where we came from. It’s a step back towards returning to the Source.

In many respects, humanity is at a critical juncture. Many of us are seeking to turn that corner and tilt the balance on this planet that has gotten so dense and lost in its separateness, individuality, and illusion. So embodied love, in my opinion, is the way of the future even if it’s not particularly abundant yet.

What Is Embodied Love?

Embodied love is knowing what is in your heart, speaking from that place, and acting upon it. When loving kindness permeates your words and your actions, you treat yourself and others in the highest of integrity. You’re not perfect. I don’t even know what “perfect” means. You’re still human and fallible in all the ways that we are all fallible, but your wisdom and love are combined so that you move from integrity. It’s not blind love either. You see people for exactly who they are and where they are, and you can choose your actions. There aren’t any rose-colored glasses. The reality of others is obvious if not painfully obvious. The rose-colored glasses are situations that people create when they want to see something about others or a situation.

When things don’t work out in a relationship, you move to address them through loving kindness and not from a need to fix a situation. It’s all about being and being present in the moment. I guess you can say that when you are in the moment that you are perfect, but I’d prefer to ditch that word entirely. It’s got too many additional connotations and has caused enough problems already.

Embodied awakening isn’t perfect. It’s simply being you. And from that space, you are in the “perfect” space to find romantic love. 😉 (And now you’re like, didn’t he say he wasn’t going to use perfect anymore. Oh, the hypocrite!)

The Awakened Lover Within You

Part or most of the desire for partnership is gone. You may still be interested in partnership, but you won’t come at it with the same longing and desperation that marks most relationships. Part of it is that you’ve met the awakened lover within you. A beautiful, amazing blending has gone on with the energies within you. You can call it the merging of the yin and yang. You can call it the activation of the kundalini. You can call it the melding of your masculinity and femininity. But you know that you’re different and that no human lover can bring you fulfillment.

If you aren’t in a place of awakening, that last sentence is jarring. You’re like, “What’s the point then?” The point isn’t the same. It’s simply something you want to do. If you want to have a romantic partner, then you choose to do so. That’s it. It’s not a big deal. Very little is a really big deal to you once you wake up. You still really care about a lot of things, but there’s no ego drama around it. The way most human love is, there’s tons of drama. There’s tons of emotional garbage and karma. It’s like watching a tug of war between partners. People are always trying to get something from each other. It makes people miserable when they are “in love.” So many people try to get out, and then they’re drawn back in still idolizing and expecting some perfect lover to appear in human form. It’s why so many people by their late 20s and 30s are already so very jaded. It’s sad really.

Searching for Love Becomes Discovering Love

But after you wake up, the search becomes much softer. You enjoy the different people who show up for what they have to offer. You no longer are trying to force them into a way of being. They can be exactly as they are in the moment. And of course they’ll change. You can accept that too. Finding a partner who is in the same space isn’t that readily available at the moment, but that’s changing…fast. So many people are waking up that romantic relationships are having a chance to evolve. I listen to a number of different stories from friends on the spiritual path, and it’s wonderful to hear how they are connecting with their paramours in such new ways. It’s not perfect (I know, I’m still using this word). It never will be. But since the discovery and the sense of service that come with the awakened state are much more predominant, it is much more loving. And after all, isn’t that what it’s all really about anyway?


I'm a spiritual teacher who helps people find freedom from suffering.

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