One of the core programs of the unconscious ego goes something like this: “I am never good enough.” It’s a simple little idea that infects and destroys countless lives. It can take an easy, wonderful life and destroy it because a person is simply never satisfied. I can think of one relative who was never satisfied with his artwork. Amidst a bountiful and wonderful life, he could never really embrace the breadth of wonderful things that were there because an aspect of his life never really fit his idea of what good enough would be. As a result, he was never good enough. This didn’t lead to any spectacularly horrible fallout that I know of, but it is such a common theme for many people that it must be addressed.
Not every unconscious ego has the same core issues, although they all lead towards different levels of illusion that cut us off from each other, from our own love, and from the divine consciousness. But this issue of not feeling like we’re enough is prevalent. It’s so epidemic that we don’t even consider it a problem. For instance, you’ll hear people talk about not being faster enough, trying to learn more to be smarter, and so forth. There’s quite a list that I can come up with, but I do encourage you to write down where you don’t feel like you’re enough (pretty enough, rich enough, etc.). Because this is a sure sign that you’ve been infected by this feeling that you’re not enough.
Much like in my sessions, we first have to assess the damage before beginning to root out this core lie. Make no mistake about it; this is a lie. You are. I won’t even say you are enough because that kind of statement presumes that in someway you could ever be “not enough.” This is an absurdity. You are as you are. That is perfect in the sense that you don’t have to validate your existence or your ability to be, receive, or give love. But this is just what we’ve bought into. Regardless of who taught us this horrible idea first, we have perpetuated the falsehood that we are not enough for most of our lives. Some of you may stop and realize that half or more of your life is built around trying to prove to yourself that you are enough because once you are “enough” then you can be happy. This is the pot of gold at the other side of the rainbow. But you don’t need a rainbow, and this idea creates an unnecessary form of separation that only perpetuates this feeling that you are not enough.
So what is in your life that is just part of proving you’re enough? Let’s start with a job as an example. Because you don’t feel like you’re enough, you may have chosen a career just to prove that you are smart or can make lots of money. Obviously the money issue ties into all kinds of other fears, but for this blog post, we’ll simply look at it as a vehicle for feeling worthy, to feel like you have enough. So you went to school for something that you thought would get you a job where you would be recognized as smart and well-paid. Maybe you chose engineering because that’s well thought of. Maybe you chose mechanical or even nuclear engineering because there is a hierarchy amongst engineers and you wanted to do one that made you seem smarter than other engineers. Now you’ve got a job working 50 hours a week or more, but it’s not because you have to work that much. You’re trying to prove that you’re better than the other engineers at your firm. This is exhausting you which is leading to other fallout–sleep issues, energy supplements, chronic fatigue, etc. And all along, you don’t really like engineering, so in the end, you are never feeling good enough even though you’ve achieved what you set out to.
It’s making your whole life feel miserable and inadequate.
Telling Your Tale
As always, I encourage you to write out your tale in your journal. Be honest. It’s the only way to really see what’s going on. Every time you pluck your eyebrows to look prettier, this is an example of not feeling like you’re enough. In this case, you’re not pretty enough by your own beliefs. And it is your own beliefs that are driving this. Regardless of what other people think, we take the actions. We inflict the damage on ourselves. As such, telling our tales to ourselves can reveal some very sorry, sad stories. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. We don’t have to keep believing the lie that we are not enough. It’s actually much easier to stop believing that story because when we stop, a whole host of actions we’ve been taking to act it out are no longer necessary. All the beauty products we’d bought to make ourselves handsome/pretty aren’t necessary. All the self help and self improvement tapes are no longer necessary because you don’t have to improve yourself to feel your own love. All the relationship advice, dating tips, and love doctors are unnecessary when you simply love yourself and accept yourself as enough. You don’t need “another half” to complete you. How do you complete completion? You have to believe in a lie that you are not complete to make this happen, or rather, to make yourself believe that it is even possible to happen.
Thus, as you tell your tale, you can also be ending it. You can see how you’ve created parts or all of your life based on a lie. Now you can make a choice. You can make a choice to let go of this false belief. But with it, much of or all of your life will now be destroyed.
The Fallout After the Truth Comes
In a spiritual awakening, we’re drug by the hair back to the truth. Most of you don’t have this firm grip throwing you down amidst your beauty and darkness. You have to more actively and consciously dedicate yourself to facing the truth. If you do, the truth naturally requires us to stop fooling ourselves. We can no longer fool ourselves that we are happy playing out all these old roles, and we have to consciously change our lives. Jobs (such as the one described in the engineering example), relationships, homes, and more suddenly have to go. Your whole life gets turned upside, and if you weren’t looking for this radical change, then you may resist. If you are resisting, this is what brings about the idea that you’re having a Dark Night of the Soul. This is simply the ego having a fit that all its toys are being given away or destroyed. If you don’t resist, you are having a rebirth.
But after the sacred destruction, you now have space for things that matter to you to grow. Joy and genuine connection with others can grow more naturally in this rich soil. Yet most of it will be young seedlings. Many people assume that after making all these changes that everything will be easy now and fully matured. While we find greater ease inside of us because we aren’t resisting ourselves and aren’t trying to live out lies, much of life is being grown up from scratch again. As such, a great deal of patience, tenacity, and dedication are required when you come to this point.
The Unveiling of Additional Lies
Sometimes a powerful lie like this isn’t the end. It may be a lie that masks other lies. It can mask trauma. If someone was traumatized as a child, their body may bear the pain of the idea–the idea that they’re not enough. Because a parent, adult, or someone else hit them and traumatized them, the body learned that it was bad and therefore not good enough. This traumatic event can become the core issue hidden by the idea that someone is not good enough. It’ll poison pretty much every relationship in a person’s life.
Other times, this initial lie may be hiding a lie such as “I caused my parents’ divorce,” “I am not worthy of love,” and others. At some point, the person in the former statement took on a parent’s or both parents’ sense of failure in the relationship. In the second statement, the person might never have felt love from their family growing up which grew into the idea that they’re not enough. As such, this person keeps trying to prove to others that they’re enough and therefore worthy of love. There are so many scenarios and lies that, once again, I encourage you to look at yourself and see what lies you believe in because these lies are making you suffer.
The End of Suffering
At some point, we can get sick enough of these lies that we truly don’t want them. If we’ve suffered badly enough, some people even awaken at that point. The weight of the lies breaks down everything, and in that breaking down, a breaking open happens. It suddenly becomes ridiculous to believe in any of those lies, and a bunch of that old junk washes away. If it is truly powerful enough, someone could become completely free of mental suffering, but generally, most of us let a bunch of stuff wash away and then have to face the deeper core fears and core beliefs that subsequently get revealed. It doesn’t matter how it happens, but what does matter is that you honestly embrace any opportunity to see the truth and to be love.
Because the truth is that you are. You don’t need to be enough of anything. This is a purely made up concept, and despite the countless ways Western Culture advertises to us and teaches that we are not enough, we don’t have to believe this. You may start cutting off ties to a lot of things in Western Culture that perpetuate these lies, such as going to the movies, listening to a lot of pop music, and so forth. The sheer nonsense of it can become overwhelming when you start to pay attention to what is really being said.
In that space where there is no suffering, you won’t want these things back either. Why would you want to give up your bliss and love for those things that re-traumatize you and tell you that you are not good enough without the right romantic partner, the right family, the right house, the right job, the right body, the right brain, the right clothing, the right make-up, the right car, and so on and so on and so on? Yeessh. What nonsense.
So that’s all that you need to remember from this post: that feeling like you’re not enough is nonsense. You are. And that’s enough.