I’ve learned a lot since I first wrote this post. People fall in love with their projections of you. They fall in love with mannerisms and things that their ego finds preferable. It’s not so magical or mysterious. Doing self-inquiry helps to figure out more about what is going on here.

Keep this in mind as you read this old post from me.

Clearing out lots of our issues can have surprising effects. For some people, they find talents they didn’t know they had. Other people find themselves leaving their homes or homelands for new places. Others find love in the simplest of things like staring at the flowers of a blooming tree and getting lost in the intricacies of those petals.

However, along with your inner changes, other people’s perspectives will change about you. There is something in particular about clearing out issues and making more inner space that seems inviting and attractive to many people. They feel good around you. They want to spend time with you. Some people fall in love with you. For those who have never had this attractive quality, it may be amusing at first, but eventually rather tiring. Others who have always attracted a lot of attention may find this entirely intolerable.

So let’s talk about the appeal of your clear energy and why others may flock to it.

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Clear Energy, Clear Love

Most people’s energy (putting aside babies and young children) is pretty muddy. Some of it is dark, and occasionally some people are so lost that there is a kind of black hole where energy should be. That kinda of hollowness can be draining to everything around the person. This rare poor soul then spends tons of time trying to fill up him/herself again. This last example is a rarity, but it happens. It seems like the misery in this world is delegated as unevenly as income. Some people have more horrors and pain thrust upon them, and they sink deeper into that morass, pulling anyone nearby down with them.

I offer that perspective because the clearer you are, the more you are on the opposite side of the spectrum. Sometimes this clear space within you may call out issues in others as they seem to get pulled towards a greater level of awareness, but that’s a topic for another spiritual awakening blog post. Plenty of others will be happy to be a spiritual voyeur. They like to just see you and splash around in the clear lake of energy that you are because it feels good to be out of the swamp. It’s nice to be around someone who isn’t full of mud and isn’t intent on slinging it at other people. That clarity is a cool bath in clear mountain lake water. It’s invigorating. So many people will be unconsciously drawn to be around this clear source of love and energy emanating from you.

Yearning for Love From You

Some people go to the next step. They go from spiritual voyeur to someone who wants to engage with you intimately. Always remember that there is a deep yearning for love in people. The nature of a lot of humanity is to deny themselves their own love. It starts by believing that they are not okay as they are. This simple belief creates HUGE amounts of misery and an endless need for validation. So people are on the search for every thing, experience, and person that might satiate their thirst for love. Some of them will find you.

Love and the Search for Validation

As I mentioned at the beginning, this attention can be enjoyable at first if you haven’t had the experience of attracting a lot of attention in this way. It can be nice to have people who want to connect deeply with you, but you’ll usually find that a deep connection for them is not at the same depth for you. You also may still have your own issues with self-love and the need for validation. And who is to say that something beautiful might not come out of a deep romantic connection with someone drawn to you in this way. However….

Most people just want to feel good. They are not interested in engaging in a relationship to expose issues and encourage spiritual growth. The yearning that draws many people to you is an unconscious desire to fill a need you can’t fill. You may already know this. The more clear you are, the easier it is to see these motives. Those motives show a lack of spiritual maturity. It shows that people don’t understand that all love is within and that the beloved and lover are one. They are always one. So you may soon find this kind of attention tiresome and start wondering what to do about it.

Be You

Interestingly enough, being you will dissuade some people from hanging around. A lot of people create projections and fantasies about you when they get near anything remotely feeling like love. But when you live your life and speak your truth, you may quickly break their projections. So long as you just smile quietly, they can create any and all assumptions. But when you are living your life and speaking as you choose, some people will have their illusions broken. Once the spell is broken, more of their issues tend to rise up. They may then create new projections, but this time, they’re probably sending their pain at you. So these kinds of people can get mad at you and claim that you’re not as “spiritual” as you think. There are all kinds of ways that people reveal that they don’t actually love you as you. They enjoy an idea of you and whatever experience they think they can get from you. This can include people who seem kind enough, but even outward kindness can be a mask for a deeper meanness.

Additionally, I’ve founding that when we are who we are that we tend to not coddle egos. So people who need constant reassurance and need to keep feeling good when they are around a clear spiritually mature person often get easily triggered when their issues are illuminated. To the mature spiritual person, this is a gift and a form of sanity. If you saw someone drowning in a lake, wouldn’t you point that out as well as the life preserver that is floating by them? That’s what pointing out an ego issue is like for a mature spiritual person. While not everyone who is spiritually mature will do this, often their presence already points to these things. Issues may just arise in conversation. As such, many people will find this part of connecting to you disturbing and want nothing further to do with it.

Dealing with Persistent Non-mutual Attention

Not everyone runs when you speak your truth. Some will gather closer. To be clear, it is a beautiful thing when mutual relationships are forged. The spiritually mature person is a gift that can help friends, lovers, co-workers, employees, employers, children, parents, patrons, and others to really see and understand what walking one’s spiritual truth really is. The issue I am addressing is the non-mutuality that arises. People can foist their desires and demands onto someone. Some may decide that you’re their soulmate, twin flame, or some other idea, which are merely different expressions for the idea that true love is outside of one’s self. Others try to follow you around like puppy dogs. As I said, it can get tiresome.

Step one is about checking within yourself about what you want and noticing any way that you encourage such behavior.

Step two is about clearly communicating what you’re feeling to the other person.

Step three may require setting boundaries if the person does not honor what you’ve told him/her.

While being a spiritually mature person helps us to learn how to accept everyone as is, that doesn’t mean that you want to have everyone in every part of your life. Boundaries are often necessary parts of your own self-care because not everyone who enjoys your energy is neutral to your experience or giving back to you. Some are takers, and others give back a lot of pain mixed with their energy. It’s like being around a pessimist who is always angry about something. They may enjoy the loving energy you exude, but the lack of understanding about reality from the pessimist gets old quick.

The Ego’s Love-hate Affair

Some of you may take on leadership roles in life, and thus, being in greater view of humanity will invariably attract more than a few people who adore you. It is important to be able to distinguish between true love and ego preference. Most of adoration and other ways people may fall in love with your energy is really ego preference. When an ego has its illusions broken, that false love gets exposed. Love turns to hate, although hopefully it is not that extreme for you.

That’s how it is with the ego, and honestly, that’s how most people experience love. They live in the ego love-hate paradigm, and all of that is based on personal preference. When “love” is an idea built on ego preferences, that makes love fleeting. The minute the winds of change shift something, the love experience is quickly gone. True love is steady. It accepts all as is. So if someone truly is in love with you and not just the energy exuding from you that they enjoy, it doesn’t matter how you act or what you say.

What Is Love?

I say this last part because as a spiritually mature person you aren’t lost in doing unkind things to others or to yourself. Even if you lost your way, someone who truly loves you would be a steady helper to bring you back to yourself. That help comes from a place of service, but not subservience. The adoring ego can easily become a devotee that is lost on the spiritual path. But the true spiritual friend comes to you from a place of wanting to serve the highest good. When you notice one of those people having fallen in love with your energy, you may want to invite them in, but you probably need to help them along to understand where the real love is.

Choosing Your Spiritual Friends Wisely

Your Continued Inner Work

Human beings seem to be riddled with unconsciousness, so doing your own inner work is something that tends to become a mainstay in your life. For those who had a spiritual awakening, the inner work can be fast and furious at first. As you mature, the currents seem to calm down for a lot of people. Resting in awakened rhythms seems to be a lot more about choice. You choose how and when you proceed with your inner work to a greater degree. Plus, you know how to do this work after an awakening or after years of some kind of focused spiritual or therapeutic discipline. Once you know how, you know how. As such, you can check in when you may be getting triggered in some way by those who fall in love with your energy. As always, doing your inner work first is key.

The Rhythm of Resting in Awakened Awareness

Eventually though, you simply trust yourself. You know what feels supportive; you know what support is now when you have shed a couple hundred delusions. So it really isn’t that hard to decide who to invite deeper into your life and who to gently point elsewhere. Ultimately, the only love you really need is your own. In the space of true self-love, you are complete. Which is part of what makes someone like you so attractive. People can sense that love and completion, and a part of them wants to have that too. But as you know, they already have it. They already are it. There is nothing to attain. There is just presence, and we all can fall in love with our own energy and need nothing from anyone else.

The Joy of Not Needing Anyone or Anything


I'm a spiritual teacher who helps people find freedom from suffering.


  1. Thank you so much for this article!
    I have been searching all over the internet for an article like this.
    Because this is so relatable, and with all this attention, it gets tiresome, because I can't allow everyone in every space of mine and I even can't be rude about it, because that's not who I am. I am definitely gonna work on setting clear defined boundaries for myself and people around me.

  2. I swear, I appreciate so much this blog, I was in total confusion. I think it's overwhelming.

  3. Thank you for this! This explains so much and kept me grounded with what I was feeling.

  4. This explains so much. I never understood why people would cluster around me, like sucking the energy out of me, then turn on me, when I have not changed. I have dealt with this all my many years, and searched myself so much to figure out why this happens. I am true to myself, and kind, and do not turn on people even when they are nasty, so it's been difficult. I always felt like there was something being needed from me that I had no idea how to deliver. So I have to withdraw for a while and reclaim my energy. Thank you for this.

  5. People cannot take energy from you. It's your unconscious ego responses to people that cause you to feel drained and to withdraw. If you dissolve your deeper unconscious ego, you will not be troubled by people.

    • Hi jim, how can one dissolve their deeper unconscious ego? This article resonated with me. In some ways I feel like two different people lately. I survived a lot of emotional abuse growing up and learned to love myself at a very early age. I also learned that I wanted to be kind to others while setting boundaries….I think that’s where the energy attraction comes from. I was doing fine for so long and now in my early 40’s it seems like a lot of the things I have blocked out or forgotten about are coming back to me in dreams and sudden thoughts in my head. Any ideas on how I can help myself deal with this kind of thing?

      • Hi David,

        Thanks for the comment.

        You learn to do inner work to dissolve the deeper unconscious ego. I have a lot of posts on the topic, but you learn to come back to awareness, accept where you are in life, and then work on the things that don’t serve you. Then you get the additional therapeutic support to help you fully resolve and remember everything that needs to be resolved and remembered.

        I have a class on inner work misconceptions on Sunday, December 3rd. Are you signed up to my free newsletter yet?


  6. How do you approach someone like that..when all u wanna do is love them but they so spiritually awakened that they content with they love they feel for themselves? How do they see value in starting a relationship with the next person?

  7. You have to do your inner work to let go of your attachments to relationships. If you do that, you'll find that your love is everywhere, and you don't need to find it in any one person.

  8. Amazing article! Now with Social media you get overflooded with friend requests from people who see your posts are helpful to many and them and than some start a hunt in private messages, calls because they want more that just beeing inspired to do their own work.

  9. Thank you for this article, I know its old and I kept in mind your edit. It really helped shift my perspective and gave me a moment to take a big deep breath. These sitatuions were dire in the early stages of my kundalini rising, as time has gone on its been easier to manage. However, recently a spiritual friend did fall in love with my energy and I did invite them in. Sitting quietly and smiling like you said, instead of being myself. Its been a long process and a lot of blame on me as “I need more healing” or “I am broken” in some way… But I simply don’t believe any of that. This recent experience really solidified my relationship to the self. Thanks for your beautiful words.

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