I’ve learned a lot since I first wrote this post. People fall in love with their projections of you. They fall in love with mannerisms and things that their ego finds preferable. It’s not so magical or mysterious. Doing self-inquiry helps to figure out more about what is going on here.
Keep this in mind as you read this old post from me.
Clearing out lots of our issues can have surprising effects. For some people, they find talents they didn’t know they had. Other people find themselves leaving their homes or homelands for new places. Others find love in the simplest of things like staring at the flowers of a blooming tree and getting lost in the intricacies of those petals.
However, along with your inner changes, other people’s perspectives will change about you. There is something in particular about clearing out issues and making more inner space that seems inviting and attractive to many people. They feel good around you. They want to spend time with you. Some people fall in love with you. For those who have never had this attractive quality, it may be amusing at first, but eventually rather tiring. Others who have always attracted a lot of attention may find this entirely intolerable.
So let’s talk about the appeal of your clear energy and why others may flock to it.
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Most people’s energy (putting aside babies and young children) is pretty muddy. Some of it is dark, and occasionally some people are so lost that there is a kind of black hole where energy should be. That kinda of hollowness can be draining to everything around the person. This rare poor soul then spends tons of time trying to fill up him/herself again. This last example is a rarity, but it happens. It seems like the misery in this world is delegated as unevenly as income. Some people have more horrors and pain thrust upon them, and they sink deeper into that morass, pulling anyone nearby down with them.
I offer that perspective because the clearer you are, the more you are on the opposite side of the spectrum. Sometimes this clear space within you may call out issues in others as they seem to get pulled towards a greater level of awareness, but that’s a topic for another spiritual awakening blog post. Plenty of others will be happy to be a spiritual voyeur. They like to just see you and splash around in the clear lake of energy that you are because it feels good to be out of the swamp. It’s nice to be around someone who isn’t full of mud and isn’t intent on slinging it at other people. That clarity is a cool bath in clear mountain lake water. It’s invigorating. So many people will be unconsciously drawn to be around this clear source of love and energy emanating from you.
Yearning for Love From You
Some people go to the next step. They go from spiritual voyeur to someone who wants to engage with you intimately. Always remember that there is a deep yearning for love in people. The nature of a lot of humanity is to deny themselves their own love. It starts by believing that they are not okay as they are. This simple belief creates HUGE amounts of misery and an endless need for validation. So people are on the search for every thing, experience, and person that might satiate their thirst for love. Some of them will find you.
As I mentioned at the beginning, this attention can be enjoyable at first if you haven’t had the experience of attracting a lot of attention in this way. It can be nice to have people who want to connect deeply with you, but you’ll usually find that a deep connection for them is not at the same depth for you. You also may still have your own issues with self-love and the need for validation. And who is to say that something beautiful might not come out of a deep romantic connection with someone drawn to you in this way. However….
Most people just want to feel good. They are not interested in engaging in a relationship to expose issues and encourage spiritual growth. The yearning that draws many people to you is an unconscious desire to fill a need you can’t fill. You may already know this. The more clear you are, the easier it is to see these motives. Those motives show a lack of spiritual maturity. It shows that people don’t understand that all love is within and that the beloved and lover are one. They are always one. So you may soon find this kind of attention tiresome and start wondering what to do about it.
Interestingly enough, being you will dissuade some people from hanging around. A lot of people create projections and fantasies about you when they get near anything remotely feeling like love. But when you live your life and speak your truth, you may quickly break their projections. So long as you just smile quietly, they can create any and all assumptions. But when you are living your life and speaking as you choose, some people will have their illusions broken. Once the spell is broken, more of their issues tend to rise up. They may then create new projections, but this time, they’re probably sending their pain at you. So these kinds of people can get mad at you and claim that you’re not as “spiritual” as you think. There are all kinds of ways that people reveal that they don’t actually love you as you. They enjoy an idea of you and whatever experience they think they can get from you. This can include people who seem kind enough, but even outward kindness can be a mask for a deeper meanness.
Additionally, I’ve founding that when we are who we are that we tend to not coddle egos. So people who need constant reassurance and need to keep feeling good when they are around a clear spiritually mature person often get easily triggered when their issues are illuminated. To the mature spiritual person, this is a gift and a form of sanity. If you saw someone drowning in a lake, wouldn’t you point that out as well as the life preserver that is floating by them? That’s what pointing out an ego issue is like for a mature spiritual person. While not everyone who is spiritually mature will do this, often their presence already points to these things. Issues may just arise in conversation. As such, many people will find this part of connecting to you disturbing and want nothing further to do with it.
Dealing with Persistent Non-mutual Attention
Not everyone runs when you speak your truth. Some will gather closer. To be clear, it is a beautiful thing when mutual relationships are forged. The spiritually mature person is a gift that can help friends, lovers, co-workers, employees, employers, children, parents, patrons, and others to really see and understand what walking one’s spiritual truth really is. The issue I am addressing is the non-mutuality that arises. People can foist their desires and demands onto someone. Some may decide that you’re their soulmate, twin flame, or some other idea, which are merely different expressions for the idea that true love is outside of one’s self. Others try to follow you around like puppy dogs. As I said, it can get tiresome.
Step one is about checking within yourself about what you want and noticing any way that you encourage such behavior.
Step two is about clearly communicating what you’re feeling to the other person.
Step three may require setting boundaries if the person does not honor what you’ve told him/her.
While being a spiritually mature person helps us to learn how to accept everyone as is, that doesn’t mean that you want to have everyone in every part of your life. Boundaries are often necessary parts of your own self-care because not everyone who enjoys your energy is neutral to your experience or giving back to you. Some are takers, and others give back a lot of pain mixed with their energy. It’s like being around a pessimist who is always angry about something. They may enjoy the loving energy you exude, but the lack of understanding about reality from the pessimist gets old quick.
The Ego’s Love-hate Affair
Some of you may take on leadership roles in life, and thus, being in greater view of humanity will invariably attract more than a few people who adore you. It is important to be able to distinguish between true love and ego preference. Most of adoration and other ways people may fall in love with your energy is really ego preference. When an ego has its illusions broken, that false love gets exposed. Love turns to hate, although hopefully it is not that extreme for you.
That’s how it is with the ego, and honestly, that’s how most people experience love. They live in the ego love-hate paradigm, and all of that is based on personal preference. When “love” is an idea built on ego preferences, that makes love fleeting. The minute the winds of change shift something, the love experience is quickly gone. True love is steady. It accepts all as is. So if someone truly is in love with you and not just the energy exuding from you that they enjoy, it doesn’t matter how you act or what you say.
I say this last part because as a spiritually mature person you aren’t lost in doing unkind things to others or to yourself. Even if you lost your way, someone who truly loves you would be a steady helper to bring you back to yourself. That help comes from a place of service, but not subservience. The adoring ego can easily become a devotee that is lost on the spiritual path. But the true spiritual friend comes to you from a place of wanting to serve the highest good. When you notice one of those people having fallen in love with your energy, you may want to invite them in, but you probably need to help them along to understand where the real love is.
Your Continued Inner Work
Human beings seem to be riddled with unconsciousness, so doing your own inner work is something that tends to become a mainstay in your life. For those who had a spiritual awakening, the inner work can be fast and furious at first. As you mature, the currents seem to calm down for a lot of people. Resting in awakened rhythms seems to be a lot more about choice. You choose how and when you proceed with your inner work to a greater degree. Plus, you know how to do this work after an awakening or after years of some kind of focused spiritual or therapeutic discipline. Once you know how, you know how. As such, you can check in when you may be getting triggered in some way by those who fall in love with your energy. As always, doing your inner work first is key.
Eventually though, you simply trust yourself. You know what feels supportive; you know what support is now when you have shed a couple hundred delusions. So it really isn’t that hard to decide who to invite deeper into your life and who to gently point elsewhere. Ultimately, the only love you really need is your own. In the space of true self-love, you are complete. Which is part of what makes someone like you so attractive. People can sense that love and completion, and a part of them wants to have that too. But as you know, they already have it. They already are it. There is nothing to attain. There is just presence, and we all can fall in love with our own energy and need nothing from anyone else.